Things I Swore I Would Never Say
July 8th 2009 18:34
When I was growing up there were things that I swore I would never say to my children. Most were things that my mother said to me. As I got older, I learned that many of mom's sayings were practically universal. Everyone's mom said the same things. Still, I was positive that I would never say those dreaded things to my children.
"If everybody else was jumping off a cliff would you jump too?" This was especially useful to mom when I asked to do something that all my friends with "cooler" parents were allowed to do. It brings up an image of adolescent lemmings following each other off the edge of a cliff into the sea. Of course since I wouldn't jump off a cliff I was pretty well stopped by her logic.
"Always wear clean underwear in case you are in an accident" Somehow, mom had the idea that the medical staff of whatever emergency room my mangled body ended up in would take the time to comment of the state of my panties and bra. I can just see the dashing young doctor, laboring to save my life turning to the nurse to say, "She's a lovely girl, what a shame she is wearing a dingy bra." Highly unlikely to my way of thinking.
"Close the door. Were you born in a barn?" Now really, I would have thought she would know the answer to this one. It never made much sense to me. Neither did the other comment that went with it: "Close the door. Are you trying to heat/air condition the outdoors?"
"Don't make that face, your face will freeze like that." This was usually reserved for times when my siblings and I were trying to out do each other by making hideous faces. So far, my face has not frozen and I am still making faces. Still if you ever see an adult with their face contorted in an odd fashion you have to wonder if their mother failed to give them adequate warning about the dangers of making faces.
These are only four of mom's sayings. I'm sure that if I think I will be able to come up with others.The thing is when I had children, I was certain I would be a wise and sensible parent who would never resort to saying such inane things.
But then my Tallulah became a teenager. And she decided that she needed a cell phone. Because, in her words, "Everyone has one". And I am ashamed to admit it slipped out before I could stop myself. In the blink of an eye, I became my mother. I turned to her and said:
"If everyone else jumps off a cliff, are you going to jump off too?"
"If everybody else was jumping off a cliff would you jump too?" This was especially useful to mom when I asked to do something that all my friends with "cooler" parents were allowed to do. It brings up an image of adolescent lemmings following each other off the edge of a cliff into the sea. Of course since I wouldn't jump off a cliff I was pretty well stopped by her logic.
"Always wear clean underwear in case you are in an accident" Somehow, mom had the idea that the medical staff of whatever emergency room my mangled body ended up in would take the time to comment of the state of my panties and bra. I can just see the dashing young doctor, laboring to save my life turning to the nurse to say, "She's a lovely girl, what a shame she is wearing a dingy bra." Highly unlikely to my way of thinking.
"Close the door. Were you born in a barn?" Now really, I would have thought she would know the answer to this one. It never made much sense to me. Neither did the other comment that went with it: "Close the door. Are you trying to heat/air condition the outdoors?"
"Don't make that face, your face will freeze like that." This was usually reserved for times when my siblings and I were trying to out do each other by making hideous faces. So far, my face has not frozen and I am still making faces. Still if you ever see an adult with their face contorted in an odd fashion you have to wonder if their mother failed to give them adequate warning about the dangers of making faces.
These are only four of mom's sayings. I'm sure that if I think I will be able to come up with others.The thing is when I had children, I was certain I would be a wise and sensible parent who would never resort to saying such inane things.
But then my Tallulah became a teenager. And she decided that she needed a cell phone. Because, in her words, "Everyone has one". And I am ashamed to admit it slipped out before I could stop myself. In the blink of an eye, I became my mother. I turned to her and said:
"If everyone else jumps off a cliff, are you going to jump off too?"
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