Perception vs Reality
June 4th 2009 19:02
I was at dinner with my family the other night, when the waiter seated a young family with a toddler at the table next to ours. This might be cause for alarm as the idea of sitting next to a screaming child who cannot or will not sit properly at the table can quickly spoil a meal for everyone nearby. But the little boy sat at the table and talked to his parents very nicely. He was only about three so I was pleasantly surprised to see such a polite little fellow. Not only was he quiet, he waited patiently for his meal (my grown husband was grumbling about the poor service!).
So when I got up to leave the restaurant, I smiled at his mother and complimented her on what a well behaved son she was raising.
"Oh no," she replied, "He's been awful."
I have to tell you, her response shocked me. Yes, he wiggled, he talked a little loudly, asked many questions and no, he didn't care for the vegetables that were on his plate and needed some coaxing to eat them. But he was a little boy, eating in a grown up restaurant. And his behavior was what you would expect from a child who is full of energy and curiosity.
I suppose his mother expected him to sit silently and enjoy his meal while she chatted with the other adults at the table. She couldn't see that he really did very well and needed to be praised for his behavior.
Taking children out to eat can be a mind boggling experience. Face it, places like Micky Dee's and other franchises are more geared toward young diners than Le Bistro on the corner. Fast food places are sort of a proving ground for the development of civilized dining behavior. Who cares if they spill their drinks, get up from the table and hang from the light fixtures in McBurgerPizzaFranchise Land? Half the crowd there is doing the same.
Taking children to those places helps them to gain exposure to eating out. So when you do decide to take them to a more upscale establishment, they know how to behave.
But when you do take them to an upscale eatery, you still have to remember that they are CHILDREN and will behave accordingly. Asking questions, wiggling, not eating vegetables, those are things that children do.
As parents, we all want our children to be well behaved. What we need to remember is that what constitutes good behavior from a three year old is different from good behavior from a 10 year old or even a 6 year old. If the little fellow in question had been very loud, roaming among the tables or heaven forbid, tossing green beans, I could understand his mom's response.
She could have been proud of herself and her child because the compliment was not only for him but for her parenting. Instead she was unable to accept praise because her perception of his behavior seemed to exceed what could be reasonably expected from a child his age. I hope that when that mother got home, she was able to reflect a little on her son's behavior and realize that he really did behave very well.
So when I got up to leave the restaurant, I smiled at his mother and complimented her on what a well behaved son she was raising.
I have to tell you, her response shocked me. Yes, he wiggled, he talked a little loudly, asked many questions and no, he didn't care for the vegetables that were on his plate and needed some coaxing to eat them. But he was a little boy, eating in a grown up restaurant. And his behavior was what you would expect from a child who is full of energy and curiosity.
I suppose his mother expected him to sit silently and enjoy his meal while she chatted with the other adults at the table. She couldn't see that he really did very well and needed to be praised for his behavior.
Taking children out to eat can be a mind boggling experience. Face it, places like Micky Dee's and other franchises are more geared toward young diners than Le Bistro on the corner. Fast food places are sort of a proving ground for the development of civilized dining behavior. Who cares if they spill their drinks, get up from the table and hang from the light fixtures in McBurgerPizzaFranchise Land? Half the crowd there is doing the same.
But when you do take them to an upscale eatery, you still have to remember that they are CHILDREN and will behave accordingly. Asking questions, wiggling, not eating vegetables, those are things that children do.
As parents, we all want our children to be well behaved. What we need to remember is that what constitutes good behavior from a three year old is different from good behavior from a 10 year old or even a 6 year old. If the little fellow in question had been very loud, roaming among the tables or heaven forbid, tossing green beans, I could understand his mom's response.
She could have been proud of herself and her child because the compliment was not only for him but for her parenting. Instead she was unable to accept praise because her perception of his behavior seemed to exceed what could be reasonably expected from a child his age. I hope that when that mother got home, she was able to reflect a little on her son's behavior and realize that he really did behave very well.
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