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Reality Mom - July 2009

Real Moms Can't Get Sick

July 22nd 2009 19:51
If you're not a mom, you may wonder at that title. You may wonder because of course, moms are no less likely to get sick than the rest of the population.
The problem is that we CAN'T be sick. We just don't have time.

Last week was a perfect example. There was some kind of creeping crawling bug going around that left me feeling miserable. I ached and just wanted to sleep all day. Everything went well until about noon on the first day. Then someone wanted something to eat. And not something they could get for themselves. So I got up and cooked a little lunch. While I was up, I did some laundry and washed a few dishes then went back to bed. Fortunately my girls are old enough to entertain themselves. All they really need is a cell phone, a computer and a television. Things were great until Clueless Dad came home with his normal loving greeting.

"What did you do all day?"
I swear one day I am going to do great injury to the man for asking me that question. Instead, I told him about my aching head, my upset stomach, chills and general malaise.
"Oh. Sorry you feel badly. What's are you doing about dinner?"

This is what puzzles me about men. As a healthy person the last thing I want is someone who is ill breathing on my food with their germ infested breath. I imagine their hands teeming with bacteria waiting to invade my body. Not so with men. They would allow a ward of TB patients to prepare their meals, do their laundry, any thing to keep them from having to do a bit of housework.

"Well, dear. I'm so ill, I hadn't thought about eating." I responded from my nest of blankets.

"Oh well. Whenever."

And so began the waiting game. The longer I waited, the more determined I became that I was not going to get out of bed and cook the man dinner. My oldest child came in and informed me that she was going to fix soup and a sandwich for her sister if that met with my approval. I waved my blessing to the child and closed my eyes. Two hours later, he asked again what I was making for his dinner.


This scene was played over and over during the course of my illness. In talking to other moms, I have come to realize that it isn't just that he is indeed Clueless. Men don't seem to think we get sick. Unless of course we get some dreadful life threatening illness. Then they become a bit more sympathetic.

But, let one of them get the sniffles and the table turns considerably. He coughs and hacks and drinks cough medicine directly from the bottle. He asks for and receives, special toddies and warm drinks to soothe his aches and pains. He gets tucked in with his books and a remote control for the television and the whole house hold tip toes around so his nibs can get his sleep.

It was worse though when the children were babies. One week several winters ago, the three of us had some kind of stomach bug. Clueless Dad was working nights then and he came home to find me rocking two feverish children. There were piles of dirty bed clothes all around me, I hadn't slept all night and I was in desperate need of a shower. The father of my children looked around the room, and I knew he realized that he should not ask a certain question. I was wrong. He looked at me, sitting there with baby vomit drying in my hair and tenderly asked:

"What have you three been doing?"
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Reality Mom Gets a Break

July 10th 2009 21:10
Everyone had something to do today. Tallulah went shopping with a friend, Gertrude went swimming with some friends at the lake and my husband went back to work after two weeks vacation. (Yes, there was a choir of angels singing when his car left the drive this morning.)

By noon everyone was out of the house except for the dogs and I was met with blissful silence. I made myself a cup of tea and curled up with a book. Not once in three hours did anyone come to my bedroom door to ask if they could have a soda, ice cream or to complain that her sister was hogging the remote, the Wii or that her sister had eaten the last bit of ice cream.

No one came in to ask if I knew where he put his drill bits, tape measure or if I had seen a tiny screw that was desperately needed to perform some kind of repair.

At lunch there was no one home to ask for grilled cheese, hot dogs or mac and cheese. I was just fine with an apple and a yogurt.

After four hours, the old dog stuck her nose in the door briefly to signal that she needed to go outdoors. She was the only being that disturbed my solace.

I had a nice long soak in the tub while reading then watched an hour of soap operas. (sweet forbidden pleasure!)

All in all, it was a lovely afternoon. I was grateful for the break. But now it is 5 o'clock and I'm ready for everyone to come home. After six hours, the house starts to feel very empty. I can't imagine what it will be like when they are gone for good.
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Things I Swore I Would Never Say

July 8th 2009 18:34
When I was growing up there were things that I swore I would never say to my children. Most were things that my mother said to me. As I got older, I learned that many of mom's sayings were practically universal. Everyone's mom said the same things. Still, I was positive that I would never say those dreaded things to my children.

"If everybody else was jumping off a cliff would you jump too?" This was especially useful to mom when I asked to do something that all my friends with "cooler" parents were allowed to do. It brings up an image of adolescent lemmings following each other off the edge of a cliff into the sea. Of course since I wouldn't jump off a cliff I was pretty well stopped by her logic.

"Always wear clean underwear in case you are in an accident" Somehow, mom had the idea that the medical staff of whatever emergency room my mangled body ended up in would take the time to comment of the state of my panties and bra. I can just see the dashing young doctor, laboring to save my life turning to the nurse to say, "She's a lovely girl, what a shame she is wearing a dingy bra." Highly unlikely to my way of thinking.

"Close the door. Were you born in a barn?" Now really, I would have thought she would know the answer to this one. It never made much sense to me. Neither did the other comment that went with it: "Close the door. Are you trying to heat/air condition the outdoors?"

"Don't make that face, your face will freeze like that." This was usually reserved for times when my siblings and I were trying to out do each other by making hideous faces. So far, my face has not frozen and I am still making faces. Still if you ever see an adult with their face contorted in an odd fashion you have to wonder if their mother failed to give them adequate warning about the dangers of making faces.

These are only four of mom's sayings. I'm sure that if I think I will be able to come up with others.The thing is when I had children, I was certain I would be a wise and sensible parent who would never resort to saying such inane things.

But then my Tallulah became a teenager. And she decided that she needed a cell phone. Because, in her words, "Everyone has one". And I am ashamed to admit it slipped out before I could stop myself. In the blink of an eye, I became my mother. I turned to her and said:
"If everyone else jumps off a cliff, are you going to jump off too?"
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What Makes It a Holiday

July 4th 2009 02:17
Tomorrow is the 4th of July and like many families in the United States, my family will be celebrating by having a cook out, going to a parade and ending the day by watching a fireworks display. Since it is the 4th, there are some things that just have to be part of the day, according to my children.

There must be pancakes for breakfast. I don't know when this started. But for some reason known only to the children in our family, there must be pancakes for holiday breakfast. If for some reason we have spent the night at Grandmama's house, the pancakes must be chocolate chip


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Living Through Our Children

July 3rd 2009 02:07
There is a strange competition that goes on among some mothers. A kind of maternal bragging contest where they feel compelled to prove that their little blue eyed darling is the brightest, most clever child in the world. Now, everyone believes that their child is superior to all other children but the lengths to which these women will go are really unbelievable.

I have a friend who is one of these mothers. If I mention Frick did well at her swim meet, she is quick to tell me that her little Ichabod is such a good swimmer that Michael Phelps himself offered to give him private lessons. When I mentioned that Gertrude read at 3, she countered with the information that Ichabod was able to read Goethe in the original German at 24 months. No matter what accomplishment is mentioned, her child has done it. Not only has Ichabod done it, he did it at an earlier age


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There was an Old Woman...

July 1st 2009 01:00
Do you know the old woman who lived in a shoe? The one who whipped her children soundly and sent them to bed after a dinner of broth and no bread? Some days, that is exactly the way that I feel.

I've been writing this blog for a few weeks and I think I should introduce everyone in my little band of hostages to fate


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